no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
