So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
