Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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