I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
