TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
