Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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