my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
