remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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