dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
