HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
