by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I deserve this hangover.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
