I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
