fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
