the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
