I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
