did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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