I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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