it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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