I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
