Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i've created a new STD.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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