And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
3pm strippers are depressing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
