ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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