take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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