I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
