so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
