She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
