I want to have your abortion
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
