Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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