Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
