we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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