Will you blow on my dice?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
