my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We don't watch enough power rangers
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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