the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
