so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
