He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
