Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
