i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
