You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
