Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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