Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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