Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
