I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
