It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
