The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
