gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
