WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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