I will die if light touches me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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