I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
