Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
