I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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