I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
