I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
