Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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